When Love Hurts.

December 13, 2015

It is never easy to come to the realization we could be the victim of someone using us. It hurts our spirit, our heart and our pride. But how strong we are when we reach the conclusion to move on from such treatment. This is when the value and respect we hold for ourselves manifests in its greatest form.

One of the hardest parts of coming to these endings is the only conclusion you can reach is your partner was not very nice. Whatever the reasons they may give, or you tell yourself, for the treatment you still only can come to the same conclusion. And given time, the conversation in your mind, heart and attitude will change to how lucky you are to be out of this type of relationship.

We can beat ourselves up feeling used by someone we gave our heart to. I hear so often, I feel shameful for having given it all. How sweet and silly is that. It is like saying you are too nice! You do not have to change to fit shady or unappreciative individuals – you need to find better people, more aligned with the niceness in you. And it will come because you have made your journey of the heart that more empowered by doing what is right for you.

Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship encounter – feeling used, insecure – place your mind and attention on the enlightenment opportunity you have before you. Start by congratulating yourself for the value and respect you showed yourself. Never an easy lesson, but once earned it becomes your internal compass to guide you to other like-hearted people.

In Tarot this is the core experience we need to have to make the correct decisions in the areas of the heart and it often comes when we need to have a real reflection of the relationship. This is represented in the card of the Four of Cups.  Fours refer to benefit and in regards to the Cups you receive the benefit of a review of the relationship. Cups can cover any area where our heart
touches; lovers, family, friends, even business and our work. The journey of the Cups begins with an upsurge of emotional energy and desire to connect, on to feeling in-love and then we celebrate the start of relationship and
now, we arrive at a true evaluation of your love. This is an interesting place for some because it requires an honest, hard look of the good and the bad – to weigh out your next move.

It is at this point in the relationship where if there is something gnawing at your internal meter of doubt and discontent – this is the time to bring the issues out to yourself.  If we do not acknowledge these thoughts to ourselves, they will only dig-in deeper and drive up our suspicion and feelings of betrayal. We also cannot move completely forward in love if we are deceiving and undervaluing ourselves.

Because four can mean teams, your family and friends might have been pushing you to do this exercise as well. If you looked at their efforts as an intrusion, making you feel uncomfortable and have a ‘why are they butting in’ attitude – the Four of Cups then tell us, these voices are only your own being reinforced. This cards experience is all about how honest you want to be with yourself about how valued and respected you are within your relationship. You can see why congratulations are on order after such an encounter!

If you are still healing a hurting heart from someone’s actions or words remember all of your collective experiences – good and painful – shape you into who you are.  So I ask – what will you be today.

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