Toxic Relationships

June 10, 2018

Toxic relationships are sadly one of the most widespread models of man-woman connection. Strong bond marked by mutual suffering and degradation has many ugly faces but inevitably destroys human dignity, breaks heart and mind, and poisons the soul. Despite its absurdity, there is no insurance for meeting a toxic partner, because the beginning is usually wonderful and pleasant, and the problem is not evident until it is too late. The main danger is a pleasure and mutual contentment which both partners feel at the beginning. Small signals of abuse or using a partner seem nonsense, and everyone who dares to point at them is viewed as an envier or enemy. Later one paid a heavy price for ignoring the advice or own intuition.

When emotional burnout and exhaustion become unbearable, and psychological and spiritual harm cannot be ignored, it is time to make an effort to healing. The first step is to admit and recognize the real state of affairs as in the case with any problem to be solved. The main is not to find excuses for yourself or partner with the vain hope that “things will improve soon”. If they haven’t till now, they won’t. Otherwise it will be hard. If you have an empathetic friend or relative who would listen to you without judging, go to them and express yourself. This will break the dam of silent pain and unrealized blocks.

The second step is taking practical steps. Be rational. Break the inner maxima that you cannot do without him/her. You can. Usually it is the fear of loneliness. Men endure unloved women simply out of fear remain without the cleaning/cooking services, women standing unloved men out of fear to label themselves unneeded and lonely. It is usually very releasing to ask yourself two questions: what keeps me in these damaging conditions, and what I am afraid to face if I finally leave them. The answers would surprise you, and most likely, shock. Be honest, and you will discover the sources of the flow which threatens to flood your mind and self. There is no shame in admitting you loved the beast, as soon as you realize this as highly challenging yet valuable experience for your soul development.

Psychologists recommend forgiving, letting go and move on yet practically one finds hardships to control unwanted thoughts that seem to come without invitation. Perhaps more effective way to forget would be to reach the state of total indifference to ex-partner: emotional, spiritual and intellectual. When your heart stops beating at a mere thought or look at him, and his life is no longer your concern, there are no tears of memories, then you can congratulate yourself with the liberation. Of course, cutting off any physical contact and meeting is the first step to do, however, the best would be to start energy workout to improve the wounded wholeness of your own self.

Applying what we call critical thinking may save us from future mistakes. If to present it through images, Tarot arcanas offer vivid tools. Justice versus The Devil serves a good example. Weighing your desires and fears on the scales of your heart and mind, balancing practical thinking and emotions will direct the sword of your words and actions, towards restored balance and well-being. The Justice’s sword of judgment and truth will automatically break any links of the Devil’s chain forged out of tricks, manipulations and deceptions.

The deeper analysis will show that often the reason of the involvement in toxic connection is a desperate victim’s need and unconsciousness desire for dependence and suffer, because it is so comfortable to be in a victim’s position, and in case of any failure blame an abuser. This victim’s syndrome has become a popular term in modern psychology underlying to the necessity of work with the self-esteem and cultivate responsibility for personal decision-making to escape the trap of toxic relations.

Healing from abusive relations demands great courage and will as it involves the struggle with your own dark side of self. The matter is not in the partners, but in the person herself. If we don’t change, we will still attract the same people, with the same energies and vibrations. On the other hand, the problem is not merely in our personal character or karmic situation, but in the general situation overall. In the circumstances of the overpopulation and diversity which not always means positive progress but brings new challenges and decline of intellectual level and emotional poverty of majority, it is extremely difficult to choose a right person for the relations. It is a mere precaution to be selective in love choices restraining physical and emotional drives by cold ratio.

We have to remember that we cannot enter the river twice, so it is senseless to blame ourselves for past mistakes. And banal yet simple truth may support on the difficult path to freedom: we cannot change our past, but we do have powers to at least avoid the similar mistakes in future and possibly change it for better to enjoy life and receive what we truly deserve: happiness in sharing and giving love.

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