Man breaking up with girlfriend

Toxic Relationship

August 3, 2016

When You Decide You Simply Have To Let Go

Learning to let go of a relationship and heal yourself instead of letting negative feelings to take over, is a very difficult decision. If a relationship is consuming your energy and taking away your happiness in life, it’s important to adjust your mindset, and prepare yourself mentally to end the relationship, and start enjoying your life again. If you find no joy inside your relationship anymore, consider if:

-         you constantly feel suffocated;
-         you feel like you can’t be yourself and can’t speak your mind;
-         your self-esteem is very low;
-         you feel you lost your identity;
-         your partner is constantly trying to change you;
-         you are waiting for your partner to change;
-         there are verbal or physical abuse;
-         your partner is always promising to change;
-         you feel unappreciated;
-         your partner don’t put any effort in the relationship, it’s very hard to please, or is constantly complaining about you;
-         your relationship is keeping you from achieving your goals;

It is necessary to consider all those signs of a failed relationship in order to make a conscious decision to let go, and start a new life. If you are not the person you were before, and you feel that being inside a relationship contributed to your unhappiness, you need to move on. I believe that there is no ready formula to understand when it’s time to end a relationship; it’s something that we all know inside. In my own experience, I knew for a long time that my relationship was dead, but I was holding on to the happy memories and ignoring how I was feeling in order to stay in my relationship. When it comes to important decisions in our lives, we can’t live in the past, and we need to understand that all the happy moments that happened in the beginning can’t define our relationship forever. If you are struggling with the decision, though it may hurt, try thinking of a moment when you were deeply sad in the relationship, and think about how you feel. If necessary, you can write it on a piece of paper and carry it around with you. If you are regretting the decision, or you are wondering why you are not together with your ex anymore, read the note and remember that it’s better to be single than to be with someone who makes you miserable. A relationship isn’t meant to take away your happiness with time, it’s meant to grow stronger and make you feel safe and content.

Letting go of a relationship is a process, and it takes time. It may seem impossible to imagine yourself being single, specially if you had been married or living together for a long time, but it is possible to start fresh; you just need to learn to love yourself enough to prioritise your own wellbeing. Try to look forward to your future, and plan your new life with excitement. Be positive about the changes that you are going through, and set new goals to your life. You can renew the energy in your home by moving your furniture around, and focusing on making your home a place for new memories. Even adding some plants for decoration and peace can make your space feel new. Spend more time with your friends, do some things that you wasn’t able to do when you were in a relationship.

When a relationship is over, it’s time to explore new activities, and find peace on your own. Don’t rush the process, and take the time to enjoy your own company and being independent. When you find joy in life again, you may find a special someone who enhances your way of living, and complements you. Remember that pain is inevitable, but long-term suffering is a choice.

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