Who is the hardest person in your life right now to forgive – yes it’s you, we often can be compassionate and forgiving for others but we really give ourselves a hard time. Many of us feel we’ve done things that make forgiveness impossible. When we look inside we see that keeping ourselves “unforgiven” is actually motivated in the hope that we never do that thing again because we don’t want to hurt anyone else or ourselves. This is usually unconscious.
But all that happens is we feel ashamed of ourselves and that creates even more shame inside for us, we don’t feel good enough for anyone else or for ourselves. We feel cut off from others which leads us to be cut off from love and nurturing, which makes us isolate ourselves even more. And of course this means that we attract more things to be ashamed about or more events to beat ourselves up over – the Law of Attraction works every time! If we believe we are bad the Universe will send us more things we can not practice self forgiveness with.
Where do you feel ashamed or guilty, how do you talk to yourself and when do you isolate yourself? These are usually the areas you need to start practising self forgiveness on.
Forgiveness is a process with stages and when you start its good to take your time and don’t judge yourself on you progress either.
Learn to accept who you are, you don’t need anyone’s approval or forgiveness for who you are. Self-acceptance makes you acknowledge you are a good person. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the faults or stop trying to improve yourself but it does mean that you value yourself and those things you perceive as faults do not define you or stop you.
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When you can’t forgive you are so tired, you are hiding shame and vulnerability all day every day . If you forgive yourself all the energy can go somewhere else but are you ready to be vulnerable? To be really seen without your defences? This is often where you need help from counsellors or good friends to encourage you to let down the walls of blame and anger you have hidden.
It’s time to review if you want to forgive yourself as its not an easy or logical process, bearing in mind you can forgive and not forget and you will feel physically and emotionally better once you start
Accept and feel all your emotions the good the bad and the ugly! It may be that emotions are something you have hidden for years as they are in your mind unacceptable. Do not worry the human mind will only let them through to you in levels you can manage. Sometimes you can feel them alone and sometimes you will need company but do not shame them back inside of you.
Check out for perfectionism, people expectations of you, over thinking and fear of risks, all of these will set you up for more unforgivable events and reasons to blame yourself. Start to practice empathy on yourself, treat yourself like you would do the person you love the most right now.
Step out of the past, let go of the hurts, the vengeance, the blame and look at each new day as a day without them, Look around you what do you have to be grateful for, say thank you at least once a day to all the things that make you feel good. It’s time for self praise (it’s not being big headed), pat yourself on the back for a job well done and do not down play it.