When you are unhappy in your relationship and feeling lonely, you may be tempted to reach out to someone outside of your marriage looking for a better level of intimacy you lack with your own partner. We all know that some people cheat on their partners, but what is really interesting to explore is why do they feel tempted to take such an emotional risk? It’s safe to say that there’s always a reason for beginning an affair, and it usually relates to some issue in the person’s existing relationship.
As humans are experts at creating illusions for ourselves. Don’t just blindly put your relationship in jeopardy, just think about why you’re considering having an affair. Consider what it is that is not being met in your relationship: is there someone you know that is giving you attention in a way that your partner isn’t? Or are you looking for some excitement or intimacy because you feel bored and unloved? What changed in your relationship for you to start thinking about having an affair? Consider the possibility to face and resolve what is wrong in your existing relationship first. The truth is that it’s your choice, whether you take the risk or not, unlike buying a new bag or a pair of shoes, this decision can affect your overall well-being. It might even affect the rest of your life. Your heart, may be desiring for attention, and encouraging you to go for it. Your head, though, has a few more questions before giving you permission to plunge into this affair.
Before you do anything, try to rationalise the situation. Think about whether you can, or even want to, do something about your existing relationship with your partner. Then, think about what you expect from this affair you are considering having, and think back on the times when you did follow your heart. How did it work out? Maybe there were occasions when you threw caution to the wind and let your emotions take the wheel, and all went well. But it’s likely there are at least as many times when your decision delivered the opposite outcome. If you tend to be impulsive, keep in mind that Impulsivity becomes a problem when it starts to control your actions beyond logic or happiness, or starts to cause distress. When we are feeling disconnected, ignored, unloved, lonely, isolated, we tend to make decisions on impulse. Later, we may be able to see where things went wrong, but we won’t get to turn the clock back and start all over.
One last thing to be considered is the fact that cheaters may think that their partners will never figure out that they are having an affair. For some reason, some of them think they will never be caught. But it is a real possibility, and it is important to consider the consequences in case this ever happens. I have known only one case where an affair helped to renew the person’s relationship with her existing partner. Having an affair made this person understand what she really wanted from her existing relationship, and motivated her to try to create happiness in her marriage. Most relationships I’ve been presented with involving affairs ended up in divorce or emotional distress. I believe that recognising that thinking about having an affair is a symptom of an unhappy marriage, could be the first step for a couple to patch things up and grow closer. It can be really difficult for someone who has been cheated on to forgive the affair and move forward, and in order to do this, it’s necessary to assess the underlying problems that may have contributed to the affair. Rebuilding trust can be a very rocky road, once you reach this point, your relationship can begin to take on a toxic, heavy energy.
If you are thinking about having an affair, it’s up to you to decide whether to let things continue going in this direction, or whether you should stop, just be sure to take some time to consider all the emotional and sexual feelings buried deep down that are not being totally satisfied, in order to explore your personal definition of happiness.