Our emotions become our thoughts, and what we see and what we think about someone is always related to the emotions we have regarding such person. When a relationship ends, with time, sometimes our emotions change. One moment we’re feeling strong, we understand the reasons why the relationship could not continue, and we even look forward to enjoying our freedom and whatever’s coming down the path. But then, our emotional state becomes unbalanced, and we start to remember the good moments in our relationship, and we try to convince ourselves that things could be different. We romanticise the past and we are filled by a needy, longing feeling of wanting to be back in a relationship that has already ended.
When it comes to failed relationships, the sooner you make it final, the sooner you can heal. The truth is that the longer you are feeling lonely, the better your ex’s start to look. You start to remember the problems to be easier to get over than they truly are. Sometimes we just need to understand that feeling empty after the end of a relationship doesn’t mean you miss your ex, it means that you miss the feeling you had when you were happy in the relationship.
Life is full of ups and downs. And sure, you have a slim chance at working it through with your ex. But, what you really need to know when you insist on trying to recreate the past is: why the relationship ended, and how it ended. You need to be honest with yourself, and think if the relationship will ever be the same. You were together for a reason. You had something, a special connection, a shared passion, sense of humour, memories, friends. There’s always a loss when a romantic relationship ends, and it’s appropriate to honour it. But, what made you happy in the past, may not be what brings you joy in the present. Moving on requires a lot of strength, patience, determination, hope, and self-esteem, but sometimes it is worth it.
You should consider if you are getting back together, not because you really want to be together, but because there’s no one else around that either of you are interested in. The reason why you are going back to a relationship can tell you a lot about why it is destined to fail. Consider the possibility that your ex wants you back not because he or she wants to be with you, but because he or she can’t bear the idea of you being with anyone else. If that is the case, you need to keep in mind that control and manipulation can not be mistaken by love. If you are in an on and off relationship that started as an affair, you need to be careful because everything seems intense and exciting at first, but your partner may not value his or her prize once they’ve got it, and after the initial excitement has died down, this relationship will come to an end because there is nothing of substance left.
With each relationship you have in life, you learn something about who you are and what is important to you in a partner. After you tune in to your feelings and emotions to improve your emotional health and prepare yourself to heal, you need to make some lifestyle changes in order to take care of yourself. If you really believe your ex has learnt their lesson and changed whatever it was that caused the break in the first place, you need to understand that it’s not just your ex that needs to change, you also need to learn about the breakup reasons in order to act different this time. You shouldn’t try to go back to how things were before, but try to be content to look forward and build something different.
Remember that a relationship only may be worth giving a second chance if you really believe that you and your ex has learnt your lessons and changed whatever it was that caused the break up in the first place. If you are sure that a relationship is not right for you, you need to find the strength to let it go. In order to move on from a toxic relationship, you need to stop focusing on the negative aspects of the breakup such as loneliness, distress, and a loss of self, and purposefully focus on the positive aspects of rebuilding your life from the scratch.