Relationships are a key part of most people’s lives, the human animal was not designed to be alone, we were part of a pack or tribe to help us survive and now we still have that instinct to be close to others. The key relationship we seek is the intimate one and we all know what a happy couple looks like. We simply struggle to define what exactly it is but we know it when we see it.
What makes these happy couples? How do they get through the bad times? We are all different and there are no set rules but here are a few ideas that may help!
Get real – the initial rush of love and infatuation does not last, the romance and intensity will fade but there is still a place for these in a committed relationship, simply not all the time. Any long term relationship will change after time, have ups and downs but will deepen and get richer over time.
It will not be like the films or Mills & Boon – real relationships need time, effort and energy to keep going. Arguments need to be resolved, issues have to be faced and sometimes we have to take a close look at ourselves. All of this takes work and commitment.
Some things cannot be resolved – we have to accept that sometimes we will not agree with everything our partners say or do, in all relationships there are areas of compromise. Rather than expending wasted energy, we agree to disagree, and work around the issue. We just need to remember not to become resentful because of it!
Live your own life – although our relationships are a key part of our lives we need a life outside of it. Having friends, work and hobbies that do not include them keeps us healthy and validated which in turn enables us to give more back to our relationship.
Remember to flirt and play – we all want to feel attractive and desirable, we all want to feel that our partners still want us too. That feeling should not stop because we are in a committed relationship, we need to flirt, whisper something sexy in their ear, tickle and play together. Then we both know we are wanted and desired in our relationship
Check out the past – why did our previous relationships fail? Is there a pattern or type of behaviour that we see every time? Is this re appearing in our relationship now? If so it’s time to do something, face up to what is happening and be honest with our partners, together we may be able to stop this pattern before it affects our relationship.
Be spontaneous – when we give little present or leave love notes we are preserving some of our courtship and keeping that romance alive. Even a soppy test will work as a reminder to our partner we love them. But we must give without looking for anything in return.
Don’t be a counsellor – we may have an idea what is going on for our partner and how to resolve it, but our role is to be there for them. We need to be truly empathic when they chose to share with us and offer our support but leave the analysis or problem solving to others.
Finally just keep talking communicating is the key to keeping any relationship working and honest, the more difficult the conversation is the more it will help to repair any hurt or anger.
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