July 22, 2016

Dealing With Controlling Parents: When Parents Makes Decisions For You

In the process of discovering what you really want in life, lots of obstacles can appear. Some issues may arise from within yourself, and others are from the people close to you, like your parents. Some parents tend to be controlling because of many complicated issues. I have a friend who scared her parents to death with an eating disorder, and after that happened, she found really difficult to balance her independence with her parents authority. In general, parents don’t want you to get hurt, so they try to protect you by not allowing you to have the chance to get hurt.

Some of us have big dreams in life, we want to be adventurous and do something meaningful, but we are worried about disappointing our parents. We become afraid to trust our guts and follow our hearts, and it really hurts to feel that our parents are contributing to this struggle. The truth is that we need to stand up for what we believe in order to be happy. Even when the outcome is not the “happy ending” that we hoped for, we must be able to handle things, and experience life for ourselves. The best way to get our parents to understand this, and let go of the need of making decisions for us, is to share our emotions and thoughts with them. It is very important to sit down for a talk, and say that you are capable of making your own decisions. Start the conversation by showing your appreciation for what they have done for you so far, and thanking them for caring for you and protecting you. Then, tell them how you feel. Be honest about your feelings, but be kind: remember that we all need someone to have our backs, and family is an eternal bond. During the conversation, show your parents that you take your responsibilities seriously. Sometimes parents don’t even realise that they are imposing on your life. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, show emotional maturity and leave the situation before it escalates, you can talk to your parents after you have cooled off. Avoid saying things during the heat of the moment. Always wait until everyone has calmed down before you try and resolve any problems. Actions speaks louder than words, so be responsible with your choices in order to gain your parents trust gradually. It usually takes time for them to be able to trust you with your own decisions.

A big part of becoming independent is learning to take responsibility for your own mistakes. Remember that when something does not work out the way you expected, it’s easy to blame the other person for doing something to you, or for making decisions for you, but you also must consider how you contributed to the problem. Even if your parents prevented you to do something you really wanted to do in the past, blaming them is not the way to succeed. Understand your parents intentions behind their actions. Your parents know that the higher you set your aspirations, the bigger the potential for disappointment, and sometimes they just don’t want to see you getting disappointed. Being able to show them that you can honour them by living an authentic life, by being your best and brightest, will make your relationship with them improve vastly. Living a happy life means making the most of the gift your parents gave you. I believe that it is important to get to know your parents in order for them to know you. It’s wonderful to create a relationship with your parents that is not based only around them caring for you, but in getting to understand each other on an adult level. Remember that to make your parents give you freedom, you need to prove that you are capable of handling such freedom.

If you feel that your parents made the wrong choices for you in the past, focus on recreating your life according to your values now. Remember that everything keeping you away from your goals and making you stuck in a life that you don’t want to live, is a prison created by your own mind. You can still live the life you’ve always want to live, it’s all about taking responsibility for your happiness, and having the courage to start making decisions in alignment with your true self.

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