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Love Returning… Feeling Confused

March 17, 2017

Most of us go through life seeking someone to love us. The truth is that we continuously look for a partner or someone to makes us feel peaceful, happy, and whole. When we are seeking someone to truly love us, giving a past relationship a second chance can be an option when we feel lonely and confused. I believe that any relationship from the past must be carefully assessed before taking any action. Sometimes is easy to daydream about what might have been if the romance had never ended, but even for successfully reunited couples, life has intervened, and you must rationally consider why you would want to get back together, and what has actually changed.

After the relationship has ended, it’s sometimes hard to tell whether the breakup was a mistake or not. Just keep in mind that genuine love is profound, it does not come and go. It’s important to understand that love cannot fade away, but even when it does, it leaves some scars, or feelings that can flourish later. If you are feeling confused by your own feelings, you first need to analyse your present situation. When you are sad, lonely or disconnected from your inner essence, it is natural for you to look for an alternative source of happiness, and it is very common to try to find joy in your past, because at times like this, we become nostalgic, and we remember the special people that we once loved, and how they used to make us feel. We also tend to idolise the past, selecting the memories that brought us most joy. Lost love relationships can be emotionally dangerous, so be careful when you think about investing in a relationship from the past. Both of you may be now in a different context, and have a different life history. You need to separate reality from idealism, and consider if there are spouses, children, friends, and other factors involved. Think about what you can lose, and if there is a possibility that you are looking for something outside yourself for happiness and validation, just because you are unhappy right now. Take into account all the love baggage you both now carry, and remember that we all want to believe that people have the capacity to change, but if infidelity occurred in your relationship in the past, it’s vital to ensure that this issue is no longer a problem.

Even if your ex lover has changed a lot, you need to ask yourself whether or not you have changed. Remember that when we are with someone, we may love how we feel when are around them. Sometimes, we feel so great because we are loving the other person, but we also must be rational and analyse if we are using this person as a connection that allows us to feel accepted, peaceful, or happy. Sometimes after we enjoy being with someone, we think that what we feel is love, but if you love someone simply because this person seem to makes you feel good, this isn’t really love, it’s escapism. Remember that love is not conditional upon how you feel, it is deeper than that. Time heals all wounds, and it is true that maybe both of you needed some time apart to do some soul searching. If the reason you two broke up is no longer a problem, and you are in a position to understand your own feelings, there is no rule saying that you shouldn’t go back to an ex lover, but if he has modified his behaviour that contributed to the breakup, but you haven’t, patterns from the past may return to your relationship. In this case, your lack of change may be the biggest problem to a successful reconciliation. You must consider your role in the original breakup, and your partner’s role as well. Now this part is really important: you need to pay attention if now you both want the same things. If you overlook the fact that both of you expect different things in life, this partnership is going nowhere.

Remember that a relationship can not be successful under the same conditions in which it ended. It is vital to deal with why you split up, and address all the problematic areas you both never addressed before. Always reflect on what went wrong and consider how much has changed in both of you. If the circumstances in which your relationship ended involved violence or abuse, have the strength to end it for good, just let it go. Keep in mind that you should never lose yourself in the process of loving someone. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have in life.

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