Dealing With Grief After Passing Over.

April 21, 2016

Coping with grief is a difficult and complicated process, and that there’s no specific timeline we can follow to truly come to terms with our grief. Losing someone we love is very painful. I lost both my parents and I can testify that dealing with grief is a challenge like no other. I can’t count how many times I’ve asked myself: how can I pick up the pieces, heal the wounds, and move forward in life? I felt guilty and angry at the same time. Guilty for not being there when they passed away, and angry because I couldn’t understand how something so horrible could happen to the most beautiful people I knew in this world. One day I had my parents and my world was complete, the next day I received a call telling me that they were robbed and murdered. This made me want to kill myself. I didn’t even try to put up a strong front. I couldn’t even force myself to be strong. It took me many years to understand that the fact of the matter is, you’ll never be able to fully “get over” your grief. You will be reminded of your loved one, even many years later, and that’s perfectly normal. “Getting over” really means finding the best way to cope with your feelings so that you can move forward, which is different from moving on.
I think that is very important to understand that grief is a normal human condition, and everyone should allow themselves to grieve. There is no right length of time to mourn. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. When I lost my parents, I had post-traumatic stress disorder from this, and my spirituality was deeply shaken to the very core. I lost my best friends and they were part of me, so when they died, part of my identity went with them. I couldn’t seem to get the calm inside, I tried to meditate, but I was experiencing so many negative emotions that I was unable to connect to the Higher Power. My chakras were all closed up and hurting. I felt very disconnected from everything and everyone, I gained weight, I lost the will to live. I was taking medication for depression, but it couldn’t heal my soul.If you are experiencing the pain of losing a loved one, create new rituals that touch the spiritual side. Your faith and spirituality can contribute to your mental health, and and give you the gift to be able to survive hardship.Try to understand that the spiritual world is real, and don’t deny yourself the opportunity to find inner peace.Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience, nobody can help us go through it more easily or even understand all the emotions that we’re going through. But, don’t isolate yourself, if you have family and friends that can be there for you, they can help you to deal with your loss. Release your emotions, and just admit that you’re hurting inside. Admit it to yourself, to your friends, and to your support network, and allow yourself to feel the grief, because trying to hide your feelings can get in the way of the natural process of healing. It’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
The more significant is your loss, the more intense is the grief.Being in touch with your spiritual side can help you to assemble yourself as a whole person out of the fragments left behind. Being able to live your life to the fullest after losing a loved one, makes you a survivor. Survivors are often broken apart by the numbness, confusion, alienation, depression that comes with death. It’s normal to feel helpless, sad and socially withdrawn, but is important to connect with people who want you to be whole and fulfilled, and make the decision that you want to be a complete person.In order to honour your loved one in the spiritual world, lighting candles, releasing balloons with notes, or having some quiet time in memory of them can help you to keep their memory alive, and give you some comfort.

However form of spirituality takes form in your beliefs, try to fully embrace it for yourself, and nurture it every day. Allow yourself to have the courage to pay attention to your spiritual needs. Make nurturing your spirit a priority in your life. Connect with God and the world around you, try to approach the world with the openness of a child. Spiritual self-care is the best way to turn in order to come to terms with the residues of memory, loss, grief and sadness.Meditation is a powerful tool to help you to embrace life again, and learn to appreciate the pleasure that comes from the simple sights, smells, and sounds that greet your senses. Acknowledging your heart is broken is the beginning of your healing. When someone we love dies, it is inevitable that questions of faith and spirituality arise, but remember that you can rediscover life in ways that give you reason to get your feet out of bed and to make life matter. Search for meaning within your spiritual values. You can learn to honour your grief and believe life is worth living again.

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